I am looking forward to this! A free
time to finally pouring my thoughts to this empty Ms Word file. Even now it’s
00.05 in the morning and I gotta go to work tomorrow but, yesterday is my
special day and I don’t wanna miss the moment. Well, yesterday, 27 July 2016 is
my 22’nd birthday, yes I’m getting older. But not that old tho. A lot of
birthday greetings, a lot of wishes even mostly about that kind of ‘nyebar
undangan’ things, but I really thankful for that. Especially for remembering my
birthday. Thank you guys!
I’m that kind of person who really
don’t want to grow up. I mean, what’s the point of growing up? Be a career
freak person so you can turned to that boring friends who always can’t make it
when the other friends invite you to their party? Hell no. I’m not turning into
that. And also what’s exactly the indicators to make you called as a grown up
woman? Tight skirt? Chiffon blouse? A straight tied hair? A glasses which can
make you look like a sexy secretary? Or even a flat shoes? Trust me, I try all
of that and still I come back as this messy-shirt holic-sneakers addict person.
It’s just so not me for sure. So what can I do?
And then this happen in the night of
my birthday day. Back then, after work I usually went to the gym with my
longterm-lovable boyfriend. I change my clothes and jump in to the sauna room
which reach 80 celcius hot that time. There’s only 1 person there and to avoid
the conversation (I hate sauna room conversation so much) I put my towel on my
head to cover my face and just sit there, enjoying every each drop of sweat
falling down all around my body. And suddenly I can feel why Peterpan never
want to grow up.
At that moment, as soon as I’m
starting to think “wow, I’m turning 22 today!”, a thousands things get in to my
head as an unsolved problems. It’s sucks. A millions of “what if” makes you
re-think about everything you already do in your life. The feelings of getting
a year older push me to think about what else have I done before today? Is that
anything great from that? If it’s nothing, so make one big things then! You
can’t waste your time Fo! It feels like there’s 20 peoples mocking you at the
same time. Could you imagine that? I guess that’s what makes me sweating a
little bit more rough that time.
Well, this kind of ‘feelings’ of
being afraid, ashamed, confused, don’t know what to do, what to say, was the
true feelings of being a grown up woman, I guess. So, I feel like I can and I
want to stated something here. Maybe growing up isn’t indicates by performing
like a sexy secretary, a week full of schedule, or even how fluent you talk to
your client at work.
For me, growing up is the matter of
‘when’ and ‘how’. When you can answer all that silly “what if” question, and
how you deal with it. For now, a lil bit ashamed to admit this but, I usually
have a cry time on my birth date every year. It’s the moment when I feel like
completely lost and don’t know what to do or say, and I will just sitting here,
typing on my keyboard while thinking about what my life could be, and let the
tears cry for help to God. Cause I’m not yet grown up. And I don’t know when I
can answer those tricky question called life.
Happy Birthday, Me J
Hope you a better years ahead. Keep
being strong, cause that’s 1 thing I know about you. Cheers!
